It’s been 34 years now

34 years since I got down on my knees
And prayed the almighty desperate prayer to my deceased Father
“If you are there and you are watching over me ~ help me, show me the Way out of this Hell”.
A turning point in my life- not magic- but instilled in me in that moment was Hope, where I had none prior to that moment.
For 34 years I have clutched to that awakening with every morsel of me being.

Never choosing to go back to that which I came from.
Never again to face a moment as deep, dark and treacherous as that brief moment brought into my soul.
I suppose they would call it my hour of darkness.
Little did I know that that experience would offer a gauge and guide for the rest of my Life.
You see in the 34 years since I have never returned to that place of despair inside me.
Many moments since have tested that pathway but none has forced me so deep as that.

Little did I know that a moment at the youthful age of 21years would provide the bedrock and foundation for my Life
To allow me to withstand the tests that were to come on the horizon.
Grace entered my soul and set me free that day
Grace that would see me through broken dreams and a broken heart
many times over

Only to be reborn time and time again to a deeper dream and a deeper richer boundless loving heart
Funny how that works – eh!

~Lori Ellis-McKinney