Growing Tired
I just grew tired,
Tired of the Mask,
Tired of participating in things
I didn’t believe in anymore
Tired of the Dance
Of smoke and mirrors.
Tired of going along with
The interpretations of
Others who appeared to know the Way.
Tired of the disappointment and disillusionment at the end
Of an empty road.
Tired of mounting my energy to
Be part of something that
I knew in my heart was
not going to lead
to a positive outcome.
Tired of finding the place in me to restart, reset,
Forgive, and understand when
It would only come to that place of needing to
Do it again and again.
Growing tired led to a deep desire to just lie down
In the aromatic green grass
To grow still inside and breathe
To drink in the silence, the non movement.
To rest my weary soul and heart.
To feel the gentle wind on my face,
The heat of the sun in my heart,
The pleasure of the full moon
In my abdomen.
The restoration of my walking feet to allow
My simple walk to speak of the things I knew
To be true.
To gather myself up wholehearted, whole bodied
And begin again
Slowly and gently walking my Way
Toward the Grace of the Creator
To allow my soul to be filled with a power greater than myself.
And I was tired no more.
~Lori Ellis McKinney (2015)