On Relationships:

You will not have an enduring relationship until you know what satisfies you. There are very different ways this can be ascertained. To know what satisfies you, you have to be able to see, hear, taste, and feel experiences in your life. You need to be aware of your beliefs and know what you are passionate about. When you can identify the pleasurable feelings that accompany certain activities, you can start to acknowledge the sensation of feeling satisfied. Many people are unable to know what really satisfies them because they are much more in touch with what dissatisfies them. They focus on the negative rather than on positive experiences. They have not taken the time to become aware of what makes them feel good. Reasons people make the wrong choices in their love life

• 1) I can’t do better: One of the most common reasons for relationship dissatisfaction is choosing a partner that you don’t really like because of believing that you can’t do better. Whether you feel you are getting old or whether you believe you are no good the end result can be choosing someone who doesn’t really satisfy your important needs and as a result feel dissatisfied. People don’t usually admit this fact because it might hurt their ego but instead they get involved into different self deception methods in order to convince themselves that they are happy

• 2) past unfinished business: I said earlier that we human beings do our best to triumph over our past by choosing partners similar to the ones who used to ignore us, mistreat us and abuse us. Because any person could get a self esteem boost if he managed to attract someone who resembles a person who rejected him in the past people do their best to attract those who resemble their abusers and as a result they get abused again (see Your past and who you are)

• 3) Eager to find love: some people are emotionally wounded in such a way that they always need nurturing and care. As humans we all need to be taken care of but when this need lets you chose someone who is bad for you then know that it became an unhealthy desire instead of a healthy need. People who don’t feel loved or who weren’t nurtured by their parents go for those who give them love with disregard to their potential compatibility with them (see Love addiction)

• 4) Lack of understanding of their real needs: In my book The psychology of attraction explained i said that if you don’t know exactly what your important unmet needs are then most probably you are going to fall for the wrong person. Any handsome or rich person might win your heart only to discover later that you had serious important needs that this person can’t really meet (see Love psychology)

• 5) they want a relationship not a relationship partner: Many people hate being single and long for the day they will be with someone. Now this intense desire might make a person blind when taking that important life decision. When the first person appears in their lives those people quickly get into a relationship without actually trying to find out whether he is a suitable long term partner or not (see Can you be single and happy)

You might think that intelligence can prevent people from making the wrong choices and while this is partially true if you still the lack of solid Knowledge about the way your mind works can let you make the wrong choice even if you were the smartest person alive.

Leslie Becker-Phelps