A remembrance came through this morning of a moment in physical education class in Grade 6.
The class was standing in the gym in a row waiting for instruction. The teacher was leading.
I remembered my body feeling so heavy and weak I did not think I could continue standing.
I crossed my legs and used legs as poles to brace my hips to allow me to continue to stand.

Somehow this standing pose led the teacher to believe I was being disrespectful or inattentive even rebellious to her instruction.
She bellowed at me in a negative sneer in front of the class, something like you don’t think this is important.

I was shattered on the inside, having already been struggling to just go to school, try to focus, try to hope, try to meet expectations despite my insides wanting to lay down forever under the weight of the load of my childhood life.
I straightened stiff as a pole, shook my head in obedience, traveled deep inward as my eyes swallowed pools of tears.

It was in these moments then and through the rest of my life I learned to stand stall, swallow hard and not break despite the misperceptions and judgements of others.
Lori  Ellis-McKinney  (2018)